Your Fonder Heart

  What if, instead of blood and guts our bodies were filled with the warm wash of light of a summer evening; the slow warm glow beaming through our skin bones made of wind, organs quivering under the gentle sway of our blood vessels, swishing back and forth and back and forth the way your heart beats through your chest when you’re falling in love (not a pitter-patter but a rumble, a roar, a relapse of reality); but rather than falling in love with someone we’ve gone and sank our teeth into the pages of poetry. When the incandescent glow inspired by words lays bare the truth, and the secrets we hide behind fall way, how can we pretend our own mortality, the dousing of the light isn’t the most pressing matter at hand. Crushed, ground, atomized beneath the weight of all the poems we’ve yet to read. Adulation, plateau, cherry red cherry tree cherry pie, blue sea blue sky blue dogs blues music blue moods, diastema, diatribe, progress reports and progressive rapports, rapturous raptors, bala

 What if I told you that no matter how h a r d I try     if I can't be enough for myself What can I be for you

Let someone inspire you. Let them light a goddamn fire under your lazy goddamn ass. Let them kiss you in public where strangers might see you. Let them kiss you in your sleep. Let them kiss you in the crook of your hips you never let anyone see. Let them learn how you like your coffee. Let them hear your truest laugh. Let yourself be open to someone. It might hurt, but I can guarantee that your loneliness hurts more.

All the different ways I am learning to say No

Have sex behind a mausoleum. Bring your rosebud nipples to the hard, jagged, cold concrete of the walls containing the death and decay. Scream into the void. Be the opposite of cruel without being indifferent. Show passion, even if that passion is anger. Know where your anger comes from. Write someone a letter, detailing your most embarrassing memory. Burn the letter. Burn your ideas about love. Take a bullet for someone you don't know; someone loves them. Change your perspective. Take photos upside down. Buy a cheap bottle of [x] and an expensive bottle of [x] and pour them into matching cups then turn around ten times and see if you can actually tell the difference. Write across the lines on paper. Write nonsense, write poetry, whatever; just write. Start a revolution within yourself and see what happens. Eternity is taking far too long.

you were not my One Great Love you were so much more and you shattered me so throroughly that i don't think i could ever ever ever look at you the same way again