Your Fonder Heart

I woke up from that sleep that comes right before the real sleep and found myself with an unexplainable thirst and an acute awareness of how dry my hands were. I spent eight hours earlier tonight with my hands under running water, the water achieving more in sixty seconds than I ever will. My skin is itching dry now, trying to remind me that it is still there, it is still a part of me, it to deserves to be taken care of. I drag myself away from my pillow and get a cup of water, I drink it and refill it, I drink it and refill it, I drink it and refill it. I have to water the roots, my roots, inside is thirsty and outside is wilting. Water is unique to our planet. I don't feel comfortable not understanding why skin dries out after washing dishes a lot, but gets soggy and expands when you're in the bath. Or why the inside of a pot lid is different than the outside, it looks like a completely different material, but it isn't. It just looks different. Is there a purpose? Is it s

Have you got a light? Can I spend the night?

WHEATY-KEEN NARCISSISTIC LA CREME DE LA CREME MONOPOLIZED 'SOULED OUT' (loves) THE COAST THE MOST THE GREATER GATSBY UNDER THE WEATHER, ABOVE THE ATMOSPHERE NOT IN LOVE WITH THE MODERN WORLD MILLIONS OF MEN WITH BLANK FACES THE FUTURIST COFFEE AND CIGARETTES, the key to success.

Summer's ending and I can feel myself becoming better. Setting standards and working progress. "I told you to be patient, I told you to be fine; I told you to be balanced, and I told you to be kind." I'm getting there, Emma. I'll stand up straight, although my back hurts. Practice patience and keep the bigger picture in mind. Spend less time as a narcissistic contrived histrionic white girl. Workin' on it.

Mid summer. Uninspired and contrived. Nowhere, now.

My nose has been running for about a week now. I feel no other symptoms of illness, not even so moderate as a cold. My eyes keep leaking. I can't cry, but my eyes wont stop leaking. I'm growing up in the wrong world, and ought to try to make the best of it. No more games. Just honesty. What do I want, honestly? I want to be free of want and desire. I want to know what I want. I want to know how to be better, be more, and achieve what I can. I want to know myself. I want to feel more, experience a wider realm of pure feeling. I want more stability. I want more clarity. I want to stop expressing affection where I'll never do anything about it, and I want to stop feeling the copious volumes of affection that will get me nowhere positive. I want to learn how to talk myself out of things. I want a backbone. I want to escape this feeling.