Your Fonder Heart

Monday, November 10, 2008

Our generation holds themselves higher than our parents' held the bible.

We allow ourselves to be corrupted by society. We allow ourselves to become lost in the internet. We allow ourselves to have such an excess of narcissism that we spend hours choosing what to reveal about ourselves on facebook in order to create an impression of someone we wish to be, and not at all who we are. We keep digital records of our daily events and feelings, because writing with pen and paper is so passe. We must smoke cigarettes as to occupy our hands, which may otherwise display some sort of truth, the truth of uncertainty. We must develop a reputation of consistency to form personas behind which we hide. We become uncomfortable without a connection; no cellphone, no internet, no safety net. We must illuminate the spaces in between one another with televisions, silver screens, the glow from the text message you just sent to the person you were thinking about while you were with someone else. We cannot be in silence or darkness, unless it is a specifically rebellious lifestyle. We cannot eat at home, we must eat in a social and expensive atmosphere. The money we make is burning holes in our pockets, the retail market loves our generation. But we can't find it in ourselves to love us too.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Yesterday is miles away, it would be a closer trip to the moon.

I am just trying to keep my head above water. Just like everyone else. Why aren't we uniting under this front of consistent uncertainty?

Materialistically Satisfied, never satiated.

Bright Eyes discography in my possession, chronologically:

letting off the happiness
every day and every night
fevers and mirrors
there is no beginning to the story
lifted, or, the story is in the soil, keep your ear to the ground
i'm wide awake it's morning
take it easy (love nothing)
noise floor
four winds

Friday, November 7, 2008

Further confounded.

Other anxious people would recognize me by my deep, shaky breaths, my clenched fists, my closed eyes. By the volume on the television or stereo being prime numbers only, because having to think about the possibilities and probabilities of other numbers makes my knees sore and my feet cold. I have nervous knees and I'd really like it if you didn't touch them. If you did touch them, I'd respond more intensely than with dislike, I'd likely respond with violent distress.

Black holes; what's the deal? And why does skin get 'dry' after being in water for too long? What is 'vertigo,' and how can someone believe they are good enough to stand in judgment over others?

Amplify your rebellious side and switch off the mediocrity you know. My favourite place on Earth is where it rains all the time, and when it rains it really rains, it means something to rain there and the occupants of the atmosphere accept that.

I am filled with love a size colossally more immense than the distance from the Precambrian era to now; the Anthropocene (that was once the Holocene, now named for the humanism of this time period). I am crushed to think about how many people I'll never meet and how many books I'll never read and how many things I'll never know and how many lives I'll never fight to keep.

The bigger picture and specific people don't matter, but the times when there is no person to be found are the small times that add up so fast you die alone.

Look around, look within, and look closer (not in the mirror). Look at the stars and think about the sea. I've been having troubles sleeping again.

My world is heavier than yours.